Today I read a blog about procrastination and decided I have procrastinated my own writing of such a subject (or any subject for that matter) for long enough. On that note, I will not take credit for the newfound inspiration. But the least I could do is write. “Mr. A-Z” writes the best ones anyway.  His music isn’t too shabby either, or at least in my opinion. Feel free to disagree as I highly believe in contrast and differences  between the species. Not violent ones of course, but the civil more verbal variety. I know I’ve learned much throughout the years from simply keeping an ear out on an alternate perspective. And just because I’ll argue for the sake of my own, does not mean I’m not listening. But now I’m rambling..

This year has been quite the roller-coaster ride so far. I mean that in the sense of someone who has never been on such an extravagant ride before but turned out to love it. I’m pretty sure I can now identify every single emotion that is possible in the human psyche and that is somewhat freeing in the sense I have learned to maintain the good ones and shun out the bad ones. I won’t break down the events that have incurred over the 4 months and some odd days that have passed because listing them in a sequential order only seems to devalue them somewhat.  But it’s hard to write about how significant they really were. It’s only important to my own path I suppose and if I know these things I guess that’s all that matters. That feels a bit selfish on some levels but lately I’ve learned a little about the underrated talent of selfishness. I think it gets a bad rep.

I will say with great and utter confidence that I am a happy person.  I am slowly realizing more with time how truly mistaken I was about this particular feeling for so long. It’s a tricky thing I suppose. And just maybe I was happy at a certain point. Or at least accepting of my environment and trying to make the most of it. But now I know the difference. I am seeing it with increasing clarity every day. It took some work but like anything good in life worth fighting for, it’s worth the effort.

The funny part is when I look at my current situation, my logic seems to think I should be stressed out. I should feel sad and regretful. I should be feeling sorry for myself and arguing with myself  whether to bother getting out of bed or not each morning. I should be unhappy. But my logic isn’t always so reliable. It’s still evolving and gaining knowledge. It’s still quite inexperienced when I really think about it. Which just brings me back to the fact that I believe in differences of opinion on a very high level. Because really, what do I know about anything?  I have offered my share of advice and the occasional honest opinions but that’s because they probably help other people more than they help me. And it works both ways. How can we truly know ourselves unless we’ve been privileged to another way of thinking about something?  We can’t simply do this on our own because each person’s wisdom and perspective is unique. I am learning to ask questions and push my stubborn know-it-all attitude to the side. My ears are wide open.  I am listening for a change. And as for change and I, we’re getting along a lot better these days